Gundam Harvest Moon
by Lone Ronin
Summary: Heero gets a farm ala Harvest Moon. Weird humor and shonenai. Now Completed.
1. Year 1

Gundam Harvest Moon  
  
By: Lone Ronin  
  
Summary: Gundam Wing crossover with Harvest Moon. Harvest Moon's basically a cute little SNES game (the original one) where you have 2 ½ years to restore and take care of a farm with crops and livestock while charming girls and discovering secrets in the mountains. It's a combination Sim/RPG type game.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing or the Harvest Moon series. Wish I did.  
  
Author's notes: Shonen ai (1+2), dark humor and mild cursing. Forgive my skewed sense of humor, I'm trying to use this as therapy for my current Harvest Moon addiction. It's in the format of a diary from Heero's perspective. Quite possibly the most bizarre crossover yet.  
  
Year 1  
  
Winter, Day 28: Got the most weird-ass-crack-head mission from Dr. J today. I have to go undercover as a farmer to find the whereabouts of a female spy hidden in a small farming community out in some rural space colony. All I know about the place is that there are no months, only 30 days to each season.  
  
Winter, Day 29: Ran into some idiot who called himself Jack and didn't seem to have any last name. I sensed an opportunity when he told me he his family had just inherited his grandfather's ranch and was going ahead of his parents to care for it for the next 2 ½ years. Killed him, hid the body in the mountains and took his land deed. Guess my accommodations are now taken care of, this mission will be a snap!  
  
Winter, Day 30: Hm, maybe this mission won't be as easy as I thought it would be. Found a run-down dump of a house, barn, chicken coop, stable and tool shed, covered with weeds, rocks and stagnant cesspools that used to be ponds. Lovely.  
  
Spring, Day 1: Delivery guy took me into town to meet the neighbors. Took this opportunity to try and see who the spy might be. That Eve chick sure doesn't have the attitude of a simple country girl, wonder if she's distantly related to Relena. Also met this pink-haired girl named Nina; doesn't seem to be much of a threat, not too sure what she's doing on the loose without any medication. Maybe it's the result of inbreeding, there's only about 5 families in the whole area anyways. Ellen only seems interested in cooking and playing with animals, I could take her on if I had to. Ann might be up to something with that weird machinery, gave me a funny look when I asked her if she knew anything about rocket propelled thrusters for mobile suits. Maria just seems too goody-goody, she's definitely hiding something.  
  
Spring, Day 2: Got a cute little puppy from Ellen I named Koko. After making sure he was tick, flea and listening device free, decided to teach him to hunt moles and develop a taste for their flesh.  
  
Spring, Day 3: Bought some seeds from the flower store. The store only sells grass, turnip and potato seeds. Also sells flowers for 300G, the same kind that grows like weeds all over the mountain. It's nice to know these people think I'm a total idiot and trust me, they do think that. Nina's mom kicked me out when I asked her if she ever heard of 'diversification'.  
  
Spring, Day 4: Was able to completely clear the field in one night. I tossed all the stones in the pond, yet the ponds never overflowed. For some bizarre reason, time completely freezes at 6 o'clock until I sleep in my bed. Really gotta analyze the logistics of this on my laptop when I get electricity in the house. At least Koko's developed a taste for moles, don't have to feed him this way.  
  
Spring, Day 8: Mowed the grass and tried to smoke it today, but I didn't get high. Guess it wasn't that type of 'grass', after all. Planted more turnips and potatoes, both grow to full size in less then a week, seems that even here the crops have been genetically modified. I can't save their seeds either so I have to get more at the store.  
  
Spring, Day 10: Picked some flowers for Nina, the girl who works at the flower store. Knocked her out after she got angry and chased me around, accusing me of murdering flowers. That girl has some serious issues to work through.  
  
Spring, Day 23: Attended the Flower Festival but I wish I hadn't, what a way to learn you have hay fever. Also tried giving perfume to girls, but sneezed and spilled a bottle of the stuff all over my hand, learned in the process that violet essence gives me hives, too.  
  
Summer, Day 7: I was in the mood for vandalizing something out of boredom today, so I took the hammer and busted open the chicken statue by the roadside, revealing a magic berry that increases strength, I think. The statue also seems to regenerate itself when I leave and come back, not sure how this works. Planted more corn, watered my crops.  
  
Summer, Day 21: Hurricane hit the place today, not like it could get more run down anyways. It also uncovered the entrance to an underground cave of gnomes, who turned my sickle to gold. In return, I will evict them to make room to hide Wing Zero from the carpenters when they renovate the ranch.  
  
Summer, Day 22: Finished evicting the gnomes. Well, I didn't evict them, exactly, they wouldn't leave, so I just squished them under my Gundam. It was quick and effective, but messy too. Spent the rest of the day cleaning gnome goo off Wing Zero.  
  
Summer, Day 25: Went to the bar today after my work was done. Eve gave me some special berry juice to try. I'm not sure that was juice, since afterwards I wound up making an ass of myself hitting on Ellen. Oh yeah, watered my corn and tomato plants too.  
  
Fall, Day 1: Found a gnome had wandered onto my property today asking for food. I fed him a poison mushroom, took his golden hoe and some G on him too, then sold him to the meat packers for even more G. Decided to buy chickens to raise with the proceeds so I don't get bored out of my skull.  
  
Fall, Day 12: The Harvest Festival was today, took an egg to put in the stew and got a power berry after, fair trade. Also agreed to drink more of Eve's berry juice for some stupid reason, can't remember what I did or who I danced with afterwards.  
  
Fall, Day 20: Went to the Egg Hunt today, but no one found anything. Got back to the ranch to find Duo there waiting for me at the table. Apparently he had stolen all the eggs for a prank before breaking into the house and sticking Deathscythe in the underground cave with Wing Zero, smart ass little cracker.  
  
Winter, Day 1: A foal wandered onto the ranch today, Duo insisted on naming it Bobo. It's hard to be creative when you can only give your animals 4 letter names.  
  
Winter, Day 10: Thanksgiving Festival was today. I think I danced with all the girls at the Harvest Festival, since they each gave me a cake. Note to self, contact the doctor. After eating 5 cakes, I'm bound to be a diabetic by now.  
  
Winter, Day 18: Earthquake hit today, contacted carpenters again. Later that day, they commented on how pretty my wife was. Went inside to find Duo disguised in a dress he had found in the closet. Oh well, it's a much better cover for him anyways. Still, wish he'd revealed his cross-dressing streak to me at a better time.  
  
Winter, Day 23: Thank goodness Duo makes such a convincing girl, he was able to learn where Maria will be during the Star Festival, I think she may be the spy.  
  
Winter, Day 24: Went to the church during Star Festival, but didn't see anything suspicious beyond the preacher swiping change from the poor box. At least I got to know Maria quite well. Duo pouted and claimed I was cheating on him.  
  
Winter, Day 30: Went to the mountain top to make a wish for the New Year and see the first sunrise. Wished I would find out who the spy was so that Duo and I could get the hell out of this messed up colony and at least relocate to somewhere with flushing toilets.  
  
TBC 


	2. Year 2

Gundam Harvest Moon  
  
By: Lone Ronin  
  
Chibi Master: I'm specifically writing it from Heero's perspective. I just find it more fun to speculate what's going on in that coconut of his. Remember, Duo's supposed to be playing the part of his 'wife', and in the game she just sticks around the farm.  
  
Sinnatious: Well, get ready to break your funny bone again. Something tells me to expect those cakes very soon.  
  
Author's notes: Ah, my first finished story. I'm so happy. More weird humor here, that's about it.  
  
Year 2  
  
Spring, Day 2: We purchased our first cow today. I just realized that I'm getting bored and Duo doesn't seem to mind wearing dresses. Not too sure how we will spend our free time. Have decided to continue this whole farming-and-playing-house stuff for now.  
  
Spring, Day 18: Got some packages from Dr. J today, they contain everything we need to set up a lab in the basement. It came with some instructions on experiments he wanted us to conduct.  
  
Spring, Day 19: Bought 2 more cows, experiments are coming along well. Cows are growing fast and no longer go mad. Progress.  
  
Spring, Day 20: Duo has continued experimenting with livestock, genetically modifying them to make them grow faster and produce more. Cows now give twice as much milk and chickens give three times as much eggs. Both grow to maturity in about 3 to 4 days. However, they also seem to be becoming more aggressive. Need to get back to Duo on that one, he needs to work on how he alters those things.  
  
Spring, Day 22: Have also decided to genetically alter some flowers for the festival. Most have turned out well, especially the Venus Flytraps. Have decided to leave behind the one that sprouted creepy dripping octopoid tentacles though, we don't want to scare the kids.  
  
Spring, Day 23: Took Duo to the Flower Festival today. I don't think I had hay fever this time, my mind was foggy due to the benedryl, but Duo assured me I danced well. For him, I guess only stepping on his feet about 3 or 4 times counts as dancing well. Our flowers were a big hit with everyone, except Nina. I didn't know it's teeth were that sharp, but at least her hair will grow back.  
  
Summer, Day 14: Duo's started making moonshine, a true sign that we're out in hillbilly country. So far, the signs seem positive: I haven't gone blind. Yet.  
  
Summer, Day 30: The mayor dropped by today to inform me that 'my parents' would be coming in a year to check on me and also to ask as to why I had not married 'my wife' before she moved in with me. When I told him I would settle for a common law relationship, he began to lecture me on how immoral 'alternative lifestyles' are. I answered in kind by pulling out my gun. He left very quickly after that.  
  
Fall, Day 1: Maria gave me a thank you card today. Turns out that the mayor was her father. I think she likes me.  
  
Fall, Day 6: Sold the rancher a chicken today. The chicken killed the rest of his livestock when he arrived with it at his shop. He wasn't very happy about it.  
  
Fall, Day 10: Ellen informed me that the chicken I gave to her uncle had eaten her beloved pet bird, P-chan. I offered her another chicken as consolation; she reacted rather poorly to that suggestion.  
  
Fall, Day 12: Duo spiked the stew at the Harvest Festival today with his moonshine. He then swiped Ann's machine while all the villagers were wasted. We haven't quite figured out what it does yet.  
  
Fall, Day 14: Purchased our 12th cow today. Not quite sure what to do with it, the rancher flat out refuses to buy any of our animals, not even sure why we're still farming.  
  
Fall, Day 15: Wild dogs came after the livestock during the night. The genetically modified cows and chickens killed them all, then went on a rampage and killed every single wild dog for 50 miles around. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We don't need to repair the fences now.  
  
Fall, Day 19: We had been asked to bring some eggs to color and hide for the Egg Hunt. We have decided to use the eggs from the genetically modified chickens. The chickens are becoming smarter and are much better at guarding their eggs.  
  
Fall, Day 20: Egg Hunt was an absolute disaster. Turns out that the genetically modified eggs were so acidic inside that their shells dissolved followed by the chests they were hidden in. The chickens also managed to escape from their coop and came after the villagers to avenge their eggs. Almost everyone escaped with minor injuries except for Eve. She should have known better then to wear high heels at an event that required running around.  
  
Fall, Day 27: Ann dropped by today asking if she could look around the farm for one of her inventions that had gone missing. She found it being guarded by the genetically modified chickens. She probably will regain full use of her arms and hands with time.  
  
Winter, Day 10: Thanksgiving Festival was today, but I didn't get any cakes except from Duo and his was terrible. Ann is taking longer then I thought to recover so she couldn't cook, Maria and Ellen don't like how we genetically modified our livestock, Nina's still upset over the fiasco at the Flower Festival and Eve's still unhappy about what happened to her at the Egg Hunt.  
  
Winter, Day 24: Took Duo to the spa in the evening to celebrate the Star Festival. Ran into Ann there doing rehab, her arms seems to be healing nicely.  
  
Winter, Day 30: New Year festival was today. Duo and I already have made our New Year's resolution. Rather then just searching for the spy, we'll just blow up the whole colony. Much more fun then this whole espionage business.  
  
Spring, Day 1: Finished destroying colony and we're now getting out of here. Looks like a great start to the year!  
  
More Notes: Well, that's the end. I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave any reviews/suggestions/comments (like 'what the heck have you been smoking?'). Well, time to get back to the rest of my stories. 


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